*One note before getting to this week’s message: Passover is coming!
1) As you prepare for Passover, I recommend you review the following important and helpful guidelines written by the Rabbinical Assembly.
2) A reminder: if you have not signed up for our community Seder, please do so by this Wednesday, March 28th.
This week I came across a blog post written by Rabbi Kerry Olitzky, the Executive Director of the Jewish Outreach Institute. In this essay, Rabbi Olitzky describes his experience sitting shiva for his mother and the blessings and challenges of mourning this loss in a community that was not his own. It teaches us about the power that each of us has to make a difference in both positive and negative ways. He writes:
I got up from shiva yesterday morning for my mother. My mother didn’t die in the community in which she was born; she didn’t die in the community in which I was raised. Instead, she died in the community in which we moved my parents to about 10 years ago, closer to one of my brothers, so that she could be cared for by one of her sons. As a result, I spent the beginning of my shiva period in a hotel. It seems that this is a growing phenomenon, given the mobility of the generations that make up the North American Jewish community today.
As a result, I was forced to go to a local synagogue for services…And while I worried about what I might encounter, this congregation was incredibly welcoming and supportive. They saw me as a newcomer, and they quickly discerned that I was a mourner. As a result, they reached out to me-for the time I was in their community.
But then, on my last day there, as I was exiting the parking lot, I apparently was going in the wrong direction in a small area of the parking lot-not well identified as one way. As I tried to leave the parking area, a car blocked my way. The driver rolled down her window and told me that I was going the wrong way. I responded, “I am sorry, I am a newcomer here” and tried to move to the side so that she could pass. But she would have none of that. Instead, she told me to back up and turn around.
As I thought about what occurred, I realized that the small act of one person had the potential to undermine all of the welcoming that I felt from the synagogue itself…The situation reminded me that while institutions can control the experience a newcomer has within their four walls, once we step outside of those walls-even just into the parking lot-that control no longer exists. Thankfully, this institution made such a positive impression that I would be happy to return under more positive circumstances. I hope that other newcomers share my experience, but be wary of the parking lot.
This story could have taken place in any synagogue-even our own. And while Rabbi Olitzky is a Jewish professional who is unlikely to be turned off by one minor incident, consider the way someone who is less involved, less committed, or less comfortable might have felt when confronted by a less-than-friendly community member.
We work incredibly hard to be welcoming as a community, but sometimes one person’s actions or attitude can harm the reputation of the entire institution. Whether we’re in the sanctuary, at Kiddush, in the bathrooms, in the parking lot, or even at a community-wide event, we have to always be conscious of the ways we, as members-and therefore representatives-of Congregation Torat El and the Jewish community relate to others, and the ramifications of our behaviors. The next time that a stranger, or even a “regular” walks into our synagogue or into our community, I hope you will remember this post and do your best to be as welcoming and kind as possible. Your words and actions may have a much more lasting (and potentially positive or negative) influence than you realize at the time.